Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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