The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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