one two three fourrrrnication!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
