Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
