Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Randomize
