I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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