And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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