Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
wow bdsm is so cute
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