I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
