Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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