he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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