Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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