Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
FUCK WHALES
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