Just fell off a train. Bad.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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