You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
