he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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