she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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