the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
