Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
