I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
