8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
