So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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