i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
