Say something about gay babies.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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