adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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