We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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