this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
