girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
