If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
