I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
