Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
