This girl is more easily done than said...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
