yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize