Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
