he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
