I accidentally had phone sex last night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm both gender and math confused
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
