i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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