He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
