dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
