Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
