You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
