No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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