Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
