Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
