I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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