I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
