I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
