You can't special order awesome
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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