i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
