So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
