Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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