How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
