I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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