You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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