Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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