There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
