if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
